im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
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