i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
i wish he'd fuck me as good as he is at karate.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
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