I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
