hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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