margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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