I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I think I sprained my soul last night
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
