Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Randomize
