Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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