i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize
