Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
home. puking in laundry basket.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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