why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
I'm in the room..It's full of lost souls and sadness. I can taste the salt of their tears. This final might take a few freshman today..
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
