4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Randomize
