Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
Randomize
