Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
