Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
either way he was missing a nipple.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Randomize
