I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I puked a lego.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My pussy is not your playground.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
it was like vegas minus all of the penis and death threats
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
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