She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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