yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
