I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Randomize
