Turn sideways at McDonald's = actual directions to a winery
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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