Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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