Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
This is classic penis vs brain.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
