she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Just tried on my bathing suit for the first time this year. Had to drink a beer to numb the pain.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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