There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
He just made a mudslide using rubinoff and swiss miss packets. This can't end well....
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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