just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
