We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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