i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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