Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
how do you spell 'special'? like slow?
S P E L L C H E C K
No you dumbass thats not right
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
