I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Randomize
