im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
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