Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
