I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
