So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
If my mom's not going to offer me drugs then it's really pointless for me to be here.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Randomize
