Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
