Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
