Pass out mid-funnel last night.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
