Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
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