Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
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