I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I just googled if crying burns calories
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
