help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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