Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
