DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Randomize
