i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize
