I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Randomize
