This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
