Viking lives by an ancient code of honor that we do not understand.
What code could that possibly be? Bothering the fucking shit out of people while being physically repulsive?
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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