I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
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