oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
