I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
