he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
as a side note pls kill me
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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