We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
My vagina is officially offended.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Randomize
