So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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