The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
