sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
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