wrigley field is MILF paradise
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
One thing noone tells you about getting put in the drunk tank is do it barefoot. You get free flipflops.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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