just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
my ex logged me out of his netflix so im gonna fuck his bestfriend as revenge
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
