I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
i mean ive seen your left buttcheek how much more bro can this get
Randomize
