Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
