The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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