Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I just realized I'm currently not eating carbs, drinking alcohol or having sex. 2014 is off to a horrible start.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
