I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
