I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Randomize
