she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize