I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
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