Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
