i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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