i jhust puked up my retainher.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Remember, ur body isn't a visitors center
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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