Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
