I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Randomize