new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
it was like his penis was on wheels.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
