rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
