Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
Randomize
