This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
I love having hate sex.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
