i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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