things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
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