never play flip cup with pint glasses
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
I’m drunk and naked and looking for my charger - title of my autobiography.
Randomize
