I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Randomize
