A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
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